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From Here to Machinery Transcript

This episode has been transcribed especially for TaleSpin.co.uk.

SCENE 1: Louie's

Pilot: Pirates to the left, pirates to the right, guns ablazing! FOUR air pirates at once and they never touched me! Hahaha! Us freelance pilots are the best, eh?
Khan Pilot: Look, citizen. Shere Khan hires only the best pilots. We fly for Khan, therefore WE are the best.

A man grabs Louie from behind.

Louie: Hey, man. Easy on the haberdashery.
Torque: [to Louie] Pardon me. But which are the best? The freelancers or Khan's pilots?

The Sea Duck roars overhead.

Louie: Hahaha! There's your answer right there, man! The world's primo pilot, Baloo. Snow or warm, pirates or storm, that guy can handle anything. Wanna meet him?
Baloo: Hey hey, Louie! Trimmed your hedges for you on the way in!
Louie: Thanks, cousin.
Torque: [to himself] Maybe he should get a job as a gardener.
Baloo: How about a Mango Fandango for the top dog on the Air Ace Wall of Fame?
Louie: Coming up, spud. But first I want to introduce a new fan to my main man. Allow me to present ...

Torque has disappeared.

Louie: Eh, oh. Well he was here a second ago.

Outside, Torque finishes writing in his notebook.

Torque: Hah!

SCENE 2: Higher for Hire - Next morning

Baloo and Kit are in bed - Baloo is snoring. Outside, the Sea Duck's engines can be heard starting up.

Kit: The Sea Duck!
Baloo: The Sea Duck?!
Kit: Somebody's taking her off.
Baloo: [runs downstairs] Plane-nappers! Becky, call the cops!
Rebecca: Uh-oh.

Aboard the Sea Duck

Baloo: Joyride's over, you dirty ... huh?

A robot is sitting in the pilot's seat, Torque is sitting in the navigator's seat.

Auto-Aviator: [beeps]
Torque: What do you want?
Baloo: What do I want? Who do you think you ...

Rebecca grabs Baloo's ear

Baloo: Aaah!
Rebecca: Uh, can we talk? [continues conversation outside cockpit] That is Professor Martin Torque. He's rented the Sea Duck for a LARGE amount of money to test his new invention, the Auto-Aviator.
Baloo: That overgrown blender's going to fly my airplane?
Rebecca: No - that overgrown blender's going to fly MY airplane! Now get back in there and apologize and try to be nice.
Baloo: Nice is my middle name. [to Torque] Hey hey, sorry about busting in on you like that. Baloo's the name. So, quite a gadget you've got there?
Torque: This 'gadget' as you call it, represents the future of aviation.
Kit: [to himself] Yeah and I'm the propeller fairy.
Torque: Unlike ordinary pilots, the Auto-Aviator never deviates from its flight plan. It is the ultimate pilot!
Auto-Aviator: Ultimate pilot.
Torque: It's efficient.
Auto-Aviator: Efficient.
Torque: Obedient.
Auto-Aviator: Obedient.
Baloo: Stupid.
Auto-Aviator: Stupid.
Baloo: Hey hey, I'm starting to like this boy!

Baloo slaps the Auto-Aviator on the back and gets an electric shock.

Baloo: Yow!
Torque: The Auto-Aviator's designed to repulse interference. It must have sensed hostile intent.
Baloo: [groans] I'll show him hostile intent. Haha! Now, no hard feelings. Say, did Becky tell you about the alterations I've made in this plane?
Torque: Such as?
Baloo: Oh, uh for instance, like that blue button there. That button's OK, but never ever touch that red button.
Auto-Aviator: Blue button, OK. Red button, bad.

The Auto-Aviator presses the blue button causing the seat back to collapse onto Torque.

Torque: Aagh!
Baloo: [outside] Oh - or is it the red button's good and the blue button's bad?
Torque: [to himself] After this test is over, we'll see who's clever!

SCENE 3: Higher for Higher - Later that day

Baloo: They've been gone for hours. My poor baby's probably just a mile-long pile of parts by now!

The Sea Duck roars overhead and lands at the dock.

Kit: [looking through binoculars] Not necessarily. Here she comes!
Baloo: With or without wings?
Kit: Wow! That robot can fly! [Baloo storms off] I mean ... flies OK for a machine. Baloo? Wait up!
Reporter 1: Gangway!
Reporter 2: Out of the way!
Kit: Reporters? Who called THEM?
Baloo: One guess.
Reporter 1: A mechanical pilot?
Reporter 2: Hey, over here!
Reporter 3: What's it called?
Torque: All right, all right. I will answer all your questions. But first I'd like to introduce that ace of the skies, Baloo! Come on up here!
Baloo: What?
Torque: Take a good look, boys. Before you is the best pilot there ever was.
Baloo: Well, now, since you put it that way ...
Reporter 1: This way, ace!
Reporter 2: C'mon give us a profile.
Reporter 3: Over here.
Torque: Yes. Here they are, together for the last time. The pilot of the past with the pilot of the future ... the Auto-Aviator!
Baloo: Now, wait a minute! That overgrown waffle iron's no pilot. A real pilot can handle storms and air pirates and stuff like that.
Torque: My pilot can fly day and night. It never eats, never sleeps. Never deviates from its flight path. You and your kind are like the dinosaurs: decaying, defective and defunct.
Baloo: Oh, yeah? Well, de-funct this!

Baloo punches Torque and the reporters take pictures.

SCENE 4: Khan Industries

Shere Khan is in his office reading The Tribune. Baloo is on the front page.

Khan: Ah. Such a crude individual.
Torque: A mindless menial, Mr. Khan. The tests are complete - my machine is perfect. Shall I put you down
for, say, a dozen Auto-Aviators?
Khan: I haven't said I'd buy anything. Baloo may be correct. Perhaps your robot can't handle all situations.
Torque: Are you going to believe that barnstormer?
Khan: Calm yourself, Professor. If there were a test against a real pilot and the Auto-Aviator won, I might consider buying, say, a thousand of your mechanical men.
Torque: A thousand?!
Khan: Think about it.
Torque: But-but ...
Khan: Good evening.

Torque leaves the building and gets in his car.

Torque: [to himself] All right, Mr. Khan. I'll prove I've built the perfect pilot. And in the process I'll destroy Baloo.
Auto-Aviator: Destroy Baloo.

SCENE 5: Higher for Hire - Next morning

Rebecca: Great, Baloo. Your little outburst played right into Torque's plan.
Baloo: You mean he wanted a black eye?
Rebecca: He wanted to get on the front page and you got him there! You can't let
every little insult upset you. You've got to stay calm, cool, composed. Like me.
Baloo: So why are you running around like a chicken with your feathers in a knot?
Rebecca: Because I'm expecting a visit from a VERY important client.
Baloo: Short guy, glasses, bad toupee?
Rebecca: Yes.
Baloo: Somebody beat you to it.
Rebecca: What?!

Rebecca runs outside

Rebecca: [to Torque] Stop touching my client!
Torque: He's my client now.
Rebecca: That's ridiculous! [to client] Isn't it?
Client: Well, actually, Professor Torque convinced me that I need an Auto-Aviator. It's cheaper than
your old-fashioned cargo service.
Rebecca: But we've phone calls, meetings, lunches! I've listened to your frozen okra stories for a solid week!
Baloo: Easy, Miss calm and composed! Look, Doc, I'm tired of hearing about that tinplated doohickey.
Torque: Are you challenging my Auto-Aviator?
Baloo: Well, uh ... yeah!
Torque: Ah! A contest. For the future of aviation! Baloo versus the Auto-Aviator. The winner
will be the world's best pilot.
Baloo: And may the best pilot win.

SCENE 6: Higher for Hire - Day of the Great Race

Judge: [over loudspeaker] All right, here are the rules. You fly to Tundra City, pick up the cargo and return to Cape Suzette. Round trip about 40 hours. Any questions?
Baloo: [grabs microphone] Yeah. Why don't you start sewing my name on the winner's sash. That's "Baloo" with two "oo"s!
Judge: Pilots to the starting line.
Baloo: This is gonna be too easy.
Judge: On your marks ...
Khan Pilot: Don't blow this race, Baloo, or Khan's pilots will be out of jobs.
Pilot: Don't blow it, Baloo, or us freelance pilots will be out of jobs.
Judge: Get set ...
Rebecca: You lose this one and Higher for Hire's out of business.
Judge: Go!

The pilots race to their planes.

Kit: [from dock side] Good luck, Baloo!
Baloo: Don't worry, Lil' Britches. With Papa Bear at the controls, this contest is no contest.

Engines start up

Kit: [to himself] I sure hope so.

Both planes take-off and fly out of Cape Suzette.

SCENE 7: The Great Race

Baloo is flying the Sea Duck. It's dark outside.

Baloo: [yawns] Should have got me some more shut-eye last night.

The race continues. Eventually, Baloo arrives at Tundra City.

Baloo: Oh, man. This race is getting to be a drag. [to race official] Where's the cargo? I suppose a couple of winks
couldn't hurt.

The Auto-Aviator's plane lands.

Baloo: No! No gadget's gonna beat this bear. [to Auto-Aviator] One side. Outta my way!

Back in the air.

Baloo: [snoring] Oh! Think awake! Alert! Time for Plan A.

Baloo plays loud music, but he soon falls back to sleep.

Baloo: Ah, come on. Wake up! Better try Plan B.

A contraption drops down and slaps Baloo in the face several times.

Baloo: Gotta beat the machine. Gotta beat the machine. Gotta ... Gotta ...

Baloo falls into a deep sleep and begins to dream. Baloo falls out of the Sea Duck on to a conveyor belt. A surreal image of Torque appears beside him.

Baloo: This is just a dream. You're not real.
Torque: Oh, we're real. You're the one who's been living in a dream. Hahaha!

Baloo hears the sound of electronic beeping as the conveyor comes to an end. Baloo finds himself falling into the mouth of a giant Auto-Aviator. Inside, the machine begins to turn Baloo into an Auto-Aviator.

Baloo: [wakes up] NO! Oh, man. I really thought I was in ... TROUBLE!

Baloo takes evasive action and manages to avoid crashing into a mountain. An alarm sounds - the fuel tank is empty.

Baloo: Missed the last refueling stop. Come on, baby. Tell Papa Bear you got a little gas left.

The engines stop.

Baloo: No, huh?

The Sea Duck makes an emergency landing. Baloo gets out to investigate the damage.

Baloo: Oh. Not bad. One bent pontoon strut, one dent in the fuselage ...

The Auto-Aviator's plane roars overhead

Baloo: ... and one busted career.

SCENE 8: Higher for Hire

The race is over. The Auto-Aviator has easily won. Baloo finally arrives back at base. Rebecca and Kit are the only people there to meet him.

Baloo: No, no. Don't say anything.

***

Newspaper boy: Extra! Extra! Robot wins race. New age dawns for aviation.
Newsreel: The world of aviation is in a tailspin as Shere Khan buys exclusive rights from Professor Martin Torque for his new invention, the Auto-Aviator. Khan Industries are working around the clock. Cheap and efficient, these amazing robots have taken over the skies. The city's other shipping companies are grounded and their pilots are out of work, left without a wing or a prayer.

***

SCENE 9: Pirate Island

Karnage: Amazing. I love this doodah! A mechanical pilot. It flies here, it flies there, and always in the straight line. They call it "the modern-day miracle". [to other pirates] Well, my plundering protegés, I call it "the sitting duck"! Haha!

SCENE 10: Higher for Hire

Baloo is packing a bag upstairs.

Baloo: Well, guess that does it.

Baloo and Kit head downstairs. Rebecca is on the telephone.

Rebecca: Yes. I know what I owe you. I just can't pay! Business is slow for everyone. What?! Same to you, buddy! [to Baloo and Kit] Uh, wrong number.
Molly: Mommy! Wildcat's telling fibs. He said we're gonna close. He said Baloo's going away.
Baloo: Wildcat's not fibbing, doll.
Molly: No! You can't go! I won't let you! [sobs] I won't let you.
Rebecca: Molly, try to understand. I can't compete with Khan's robots.
Molly: Are we gonna be poor?
Rebecca: No, we're not. A broker's coming over to help us. He's ... going to buy the Sea Duck.
Kit: What?!
Baloo: Let it go, Lil' Britches. Let it go.
Kit: [to Rebecca] You could have warned him. Given him a chance to say goodbye.
Rebecca: I wanted to. It's just ... I wish I'd never rented the Sea Duck to that lousy inventor.

A car pulls up outside

Rebecca: Oh, great. The broker. [throws the Sea Duck's keys to Kit] Catch!
Kit: The keys to the Sea Duck? What are these for?
Rebecca: For Baloo. Tell him to take the plane for a spin, tell him to go fishing, just tell him to hurry!

The broker rings on the doorbell. Rebecca heads outside.

Rebecca: Why, hello. I meant to call. We had to give the Sea Duck one last ...

SCENE 11: Khan's Plane

Shere Khan and Torque are celebrating. An Auto-Aviator is at the controls.

Torque: A toast to the Auto-Aviator. The greatest invention in history.
Khan: Indeed.
Karnage: [over radio] 'Allo, robot person. It is I, the spectaculous Don Karnage. My bloodthirsty horde and I are on an intercept course with you. We will be shooting you and looting you in precisely ... ten minutes! Felicitations. [to himself] Boy, I am one scary guy.
Khan: Professor, you may instruct your robot to change course and evade the pirates.
Torque: [to Auto-Aviator] Turn right. Come to course 1-4-0.
Auto-Aviator: Deviation from flight plan is unacceptable.
Torque: This is your inventor speaking. Turn right!
Auto-Aviator: Deviation from flight plan is unacceptable.

Torque attempts to take the controls but is given an electric shock.

Torque: Aagh!
Khan: Problems, Professor?
Torque: Yeah. Well, actually, I wasn't expecting to deal with pirates.
Khan: A perfect pilot must handle any situation. You told me your tin men were perfect.
Torque: But what do you want me to do?
Khan: I suggest you call for help.

The Sea Duck is moored on lake flaccid. Baloo, Kit and Wildcat are fishing out the back.

Baloo: Why do you guys even hang out with a loser like me?
Kit: Come on. We like being with you. You're our buddy. You're the best.
Wildcat: Besides, we got nothing else to do ... Oh, sorry.
Torque: [over radio] Mayday! Mayday! This is Shere Khan's plane calling. Help!
Khan: [to Torque] Oh, sit down. [over radio] Whoever's listening, your assistance will be handsomely rewarded. In a few moments we will be attacked by pirates near Mount Rozika.
Kit: That's just north of here. Baloo, shouldn't we do something?
Baloo: No, thank you. Let Torque's wonder widget save their hides.
Kit: Oh, pity. Those pirates will cut 'em to ribbons, slice them to smithereens.
Wildcat: Yeah. Blast 'em into itty-bitty, teeny-weeny, little tiny-winey ...
Kit: Well of course, a real pilot could save them. Now, where could we find a pilot who could ...?
Baloo: All right. I get the message. Come on. We're flying.

Back aboard Khan's plane, Torque is still trying to take control from the Auto-Aviator.

Torque: This is your inventor speaking. Take evasive ...

The Auto-Aviator gives Torque another electric shock. Shere Khan is not amused.

Torque: Aagh!
Auto-Aviator: Deviation from flight plan is unacceptable.
Khan: I am losing patience, Professor.

Wildcat brings the Sea Duck level with Khan's plane.

Baloo: As soon as I'm aboard, get her out of here. Got it?
Wildcat: Got it.

Baloo drops a rope ladder down to Khan's plane and pounds on the door.

Torque: Pirates! We're doomed!

Baloo bursts through the door, knocking Torque over.

Baloo: Hiya, boys? How's it going?
Khan: Ah, Baloo. We've hit a bit of a snag with the professor's contraption. Any suggestions?

Gunfire rips through the cabin.

Baloo: Got a bottle of soda pop?

Karnage: [outside, to himself] This is like taking candy from a sitting baby duck off a log.

Baloo: Oh, Auto. I think you've been working too hard. Time to cool off.

Baloo pours soda over the Auto-Aviator. The robot explodes.

Torque: NO! BARBARIAN!
Khan: Quiet, Professor. Let a real pilot handle this.

Baloo takes control of the plane. Outside, Karnage flies alongside.

Karnage: Oh. That ugly pilot machine looks like Baloo.
Mad Dog: That's funny. It also flies like Baloo!
Karnage: Attack!

Baloo outmanoeuvres the Air Pirates.

Karnage: No, no, no. Shoot the bear! Not your own disgusting selves! My wonderfully brilliant mind tells me it may be time
for a strategic withdrawal.
Mad Dog: Say what?
Karnage: Run away!

The Air Pirates retreat.

Khan: That was more than adequate.
Baloo: Thanks, Khaney. You ought to see me when I'm really adequate.
Khan: Yes. I can imagine. [Auto-Aviator buzzes] If you'll excuse me a moment.

Khan moves to the back of the plane.

Khan: You've disappointed me, Professor. Worse, you have deceived me. But I have a solution.
Torque: You ... you do?
Khan: You give me back all my money and I'll give you back all your cretinous contraptions.

Khan opens the door, grabs Torque and suspends him outside the plane.

Khan: Tell me the truth now. How does that sound to you?
Torque: Sounds fair! Sounds fair!

SCENE 12: Louie's

Radio: Dateline: Cape Suzette. Khan Industries today announced that it has junked all its robots. Pilots are to report back to work.

Everyone in the club cheers.

Louie: But first ... Baloo, would you do the honours?
Baloo: Don't mind if I do.

Baloo replaces the image of an Auto-Aviator at the top of Louie's "Air Ace Wall of Fame" with one of himself.

Everyone cheers.

Kit: I just remembered. Well, you never said where Professor Torque ended up?
Baloo: Gone back to the drawing board, I guess.

SCENE 13: Railway Station - Thembria

It is freezing cold and snowing heavily.

Torque: Yes, ladies. It's the amazing new Mechana-Maid. The answer to your every household need. They'll sweep, they'll clean ... thaw your oven. Step right up ... please?

THE END